Childfree and Forkless

Sometimes I just want to eat in peace and enjoy my burrito without incident. But that is an outrageous request that cannot be granted. How dare I!

Late last night, my partner and I went to a burrito place known as Chipotle. We got our food and sat at a table. I realized I needed a fork to help me out – big burritos are messy!

So back I went to the drink area to get a fork. Standing in front of the plastic utensils was a mom and her (maybe 3 year old?) daughter.

The daughter said, “I want a spoon.”

The mom says, “what do you say?”

Daughter thinks for a few seconds and says, “please can I have a spoon?”

The mom said, “what else do you say?”

Daughter thinks for a longer period of time and says, “pretty please can I have a spoon?”

In the meantime, I’m thinking give it a rest, she said please twice. Do we need a cherry on top, too?

I cleared my throat, and the mother glanced behind her and shot me a dirty look. How dare I need a utensil, right? Childfree jerk I am!

The mother repeated herself, and looked at the girl.

The girl said “I don’t know” and started crying. Loudly.

Now the whole restaurant is looking at them, and me, as I am the only one in line behind the madness. I thought, this is ridiculous.

I pretty much never get involved in family issues like this in public because parents get crazy, but the pressure on this little kid was unnecessary.

So I said, “she said please two times, and I’m really hungry, so can you just give her the spoon, or let me go around you to get a fork?”

Then she turned completely around and blew up “I’M TRYING TO GET MY DAUGHTER TO HAVE SOME FUCKING MANNERS, DO YOU MIND?”

The restaurant went quiet.

Yours truly said, “no, not at all” and reached around her, got myself a fork, and handed the kid a spoon. She was upset, the kid was happy with her spoon, and I got my fork.

I hope she picked up some of the “fucking manners” she was instilling upon her child. Hallelujah.