That’s Not My Salad
Yesterday I went to dinner with a really good male friend of mine. He is a vegetarian, and I am an omnivore. I am vegetarian about 85% of the time, but sometimes yours truly needs a bit of non-tofu.
We went to a restaurant neither of us has been to before. Having heard great things about it, I was excited!
Our server took our order and left. I got the lamb schwarma and he got a Meditteranean salad without chicken.
After a few minutes, a different person brings us our food, and gives me the salad. I didn’t say anything, and just switched food with my friend. It was happy with my schwarma!
The second person came back, and asked me “what’s wrong with your salad? You aren’t eating it.”
I smiled, and said, “no, that’s actually my friend’s food. I got the lamb.”
Dumbfounded, he said, “that can’t be.”
When I asked why, he said “only women eat the salads. They need to be careful what they eat. Men eat meat and women eat salad.”
My friend and I glanced at each other. My friend knew what was coming.
I smiled and said, “well this person (pointing at myself) eats meat, so if that makes me a man and my friend a woman, so be it. I am allowed to eat a meal that is more than 300 calories. That’s not my salad.”
Then he began backing away from our table and semi-apologized. I don’t think he knew he had unintentionally picked a fight with a feminist. When my inner bitch comes out, I can’t blame anyone for fleeing.
I am a female and (on most days) don’t think I am fat. If I want to eat a salad, that is what I will do. I will not starve myself to be a size 2 to conform to someone else’s standards of how I should look. Just because I am a female doesn’t mean I am on a diet and depriving myself of foods I love. Just because my friend is a male does not mean he has to eat meat!
Some servers assume I have to be a vegetarian if someone at my table orders a salad when we’re out (and I am the only woman there). In reading your article, it does happen pretty often.
I’m glad you notice this too.
Thanks for your comment!
great post! Also belongs a litlte in the we needed to spend money to prove this ? category. But obviously its good to have it in writing, so to speak As a pretty big mouth feminist myself I found even those who would be inclined to resist feminist thinking but are fathers to girls, are often more interested in my nagging because they see how it can effect their females. I don’t mean that is conscious or subconscious even sort of power trip, but it may at times relate to old country thinking. These men feel a more personal stake in it, and I would bet its generally not about power over protecting what is theirs but rather sincere care for their daughters. However, as a woman raised by parents from Iraq I will attest that as sexist (and proud to call himself such) as my father is and as much as he doesn’t mind seeing women dress, act, etc. to please men, as his daughter he wouldn’t have me caught dead like that. Of course my situation was much different than most American dads and daughters, but I think this is part of the conversation. The fact that men know that they think of us as less when we treat ourselves as such and maybe my father just didn’t want his property to be seen as in poor taste and condition whereas more progressive western fathers may want their daughters to know their value for themselves ,there is still a common thread. That thread is failing to see other women as daughters and mothers and women and girls who should be treated with respect. I would make a bet that many of the fathers who, with feminist thinking, would hate to see their daughter treat herself as an object, make few objections to those women who do when it isn’t aimed at their daughters. Our consumption of media and the often similar sexist themes don’t par up with how many good intended (and not those treating daughters as property ) fathers who would probably never want to see their daughters treat themselves or be treated as such. We need solidarity among women as well as men, we need men to show women they don’t want to see women treat themselves as less than human and that its not sexy. I think this is important. The problem of sexism is much deeper than letting women be what they want to be, its about treating them as humans all around and changing society’s attitude towards that which has been deemed feminine . For example, how many women have the career and the family and feel like they basically just have a double load now because society told us we can be what we want but didn’t set up resources to get there or protect us or figure out how to really help women be what they want-without regretting it ?
You’re right, many women do have double duty of being the stereotypical housewife while also having a full time job outside of the home. This provides great consternation for women who are trying to have it all. You are right, women should be treated as humans and not placed into a box of what it means to be feminine.
I really enjoyed your comment, thank you so much for writing!
It’s unbelievable how presumptuous and rude some people can be! Especially to your face. The gall of someone to even say that to you. I would’ve asked the server if they were calling me fat, as I’m sure that would’ve caused them some embarrassment.
On another note, great site! Just found you and have enjoyed reading through your posts. Do you have a twitter or any way of easily following you?
I agree, Ela, people can be beyond rude. The server very well may have been calling me fat!
Thank you for the compliments on my site. I’m proud of it. I do tweet @useyourhooves or you can link to my rss feed if you are so inclined.
Thanks for the excellent comments and reading!
As the vegetarian of our group who happens to be female as well, I’d never noticed that I’m given the vegetarian meal automatically, seeing as it is usually mine anyway. I’ll have to look out for that.
Please do look out for that! It is quite interesting.
Don’t say you are an inner bitch, thinking you are a bitch will only mean the not-feminists won.
You are right. Thank you for pointing that out! I appreciate your comment.